More to follow when I’m not posting so freakin компютри втора употреба sporadically. Just thought I’d mention that.

I have a confession. I love cum.

I will not be silly and say I love the way it tastes… I rarely even LIKE it. I will say that I adore making a man cum, I love seeing it, I love feeling it, feeling the rigidness, the wetness, the hotness. It’s not politically correct to speak about, I’ve never ONCE heard my girlfriends talk about it… I FUCKING LOVE IT.

Even if you can’t feel the actual squirting, spurting, shooting, jetting, surging, spraying, bursting, drenching, drowning, wet impact… you feel it afterwards. And the end of sex makes the cunt a sad thing.

First, there is the softening. My cunt seizing and grasping because after one, fax loan missouri no paydaypayday loan with savings account only,account loan payday savings,account into loan payday savingsadvance loan paycheck paydayfax free payday loanpayday loan companycost loan low paydayfree payday loancash advance loanpayday us fast cash loan,fast cash payday loanadvance cash loan overnight,advance cash overnight,overnight cash advancefirst american cash advancecash loan payday quickadvance bad cash credit loan payday,bad credit cash advance,no fax cash advance for bad creditcash loan payday tiladvance cash loan payday softwareinheritance cash advancecash until payday loancash in advance loan,cash advance loan texas,cash advance loan no faxingcash advance detroitnational cash advanceadvance cash company,scams on cash advance companycash advance new yorkmagnum cash advance,advance cash faxing magnumgeorgia no fax cash advance,1000 advance cash no fax,advance cash fax nocash advance nowcash loan payday untiladvance cash fast loan paydayonline cash advance,advance cash fast loan online payday quick,instant cash advance onlineadvance cash cheap day pay,advance cash day loan pay,pay day cash advancecash loan payday tillsame day cash advance,same day cash advance loanloan oneclickcash paydayadvance card cash creditbudget line cash advance,advance cash line loan,advance cash on linecash advance america,bank of america cash advance,advance america cash advance center inccash international loan payday servicesinstant no fax cash advance,account advance bank cash instant without,instant cash advanceadvance cash day pay,cash advance until pay daycash fast loan paydaycash advance servicesadvance cash fax no,no fax cash advance,account advance cash fax no savingspayday cash advance,get payday cash advance,payday cash advance new yorkno faxing required cash advance,advance cash faxing no,no faxing savings account cash advanceadvance cash loan loan paydaycash central loan payday,cash loan payday,worldwide cash payday loanpay day cash advance payday loan,pay day loan cash advanceace cash advanceadvance cash chicago settlement,pre settlement cash advance,advance cash settlementadvance cash loan online paydaycash advance payday loan software two, five, ten orgasms, it is simply not sated, not content… it is pleased, it is appreciative, but now it is alive and aware and it wants. It’s in a perpetual state of wanting. It can’t get enough. So it is trying to grasp and hold the cock, keep it in, keep it close, keep it alive and thrusting and hard. It’s not my fault. I understand the biological process. But my cunt simply will not bear to let it go.

The withdrawal. With Koibito this is made even worse because of his size… he has filled me, expanded me, stretched me… I wrap my arms around him afterwards and hold him tightly to me just as my cunt tightens around him, walls squeezing and enveloping him. For much the same reason. In the glorious aftermath I want him closer, closer, closer, and deeper, deeper, deeper… But eventually he must leave me and my cunt. Slow, wretched, emptying. I feel most vulnerable as he draws himself out… our primal, primitave, seemingly endless connection is withdrawn like a needle out of a vein that has emptied you of all blood.

He still uses condoms, because he hasn’t gotten tested. He moves away, keeping his fading cock away from my cunt as he pulls the condom off, keeps it away and all my poor cunt wants is to rub against him, regain the closeness. He kneels on the bed, keeping his hips away from mine and neither of us mention that my hips tilt and raise in feeble attempts to regain contact. I’m not doing it, I have no more control, for my cunt has taken over, and from the neck down it is now the domain of the clitoris.

I want to feel him reach that pinnacle inside me. I’m sure that parts of my reasons are base and animalistic… The subconscious desire to procreate, the base need to feel claimed.

Now, I have discovered recently that there’s a REASON he keeps putting off getting tested.

He’s afraid of the actual test. The “giant q-tip” part, in specific. Now, between my frustration and trying to understand, I realize that it is VERY unpleasant, but… dear god sometimes I don’t give a righteous fuck.

I’ve had this happen before, but only once, and I was drunk.

See, Koibito has not yet gone to get his sweet self tested, but I have… I’m very upset by this, cuz I do so love me a naked cock. Anyway, we’re still using condoms.

A few days ago when we were done having sex I, like always, didn’t want him to pull out right away. (I know, I know, I should have him pull out immediately and get rid of the condom, but it makes my vagina so SAD when he leaves…) and when he finally did, he (the first time, too) forgot to grasp the condom when he pulled out. I forgive him for this, because I asked he do it slowly cuz I was SORE.

Well, he pulled out and I had an odd feeling in my crotch… pretty indescribable… The closest I can come is like phlegm stuck at the back of your throat… but in my CUNT.

So I looked down, and saw his cock. His BARE cock. He says, “Uh… oops?” and I FREAK out. Always the gentleman, he went to retrieve the condom. Men, always retrieve your condom if left inside. It’s polite. The condom was was thankfully only partially inside and he drew it out slowly.

Just in case this ever happens to you, my suggestion would be to yank it out, not to where you spill its contents, but quickly enough so you don’t prolong that particular sensation.

It felt like… dried glue being pulled from your skin… or sorta like pulling really thick phlegm out of your throat. BUT IN MY CUNT.

I squirmed around the bed cursing and tweaking out for a good two minutes while he tried his best not to laugh.

I call his cock Bakemono. He wouldn’t let me call it Fluffy, that is too unmanly.

It is, in generalized Japanese, “Monster”… Because “Bakemono Musuko” is too long, I shall not refer to my boyfriend in these pages as Monster Penis. Plus, it sounds like a porn star name, really.

Instead I will call him Koibito. It is similar enough to my nickname, and means lover, or sweetheart.

Koibito’s a wonderful man and treats me well… but that’s not generally what I talk about on this blog.

So let me talk about the sex.

Now, according to him, he’s had sex with five women before me. Okay, that’s not bad… less than half of the notches on MY bedpost, but okay. Then I found out… that’s SEVEN TIMES with those five people (not all at once… or even two at once… No, just seven times.)

I stopped counting the year I lost my virginity… Which was when I was 15.

He lost his when he was 19.

Now, I have a thing for virgins, if you remember. So this is not a problem to me, but then, after a short wait (because I’m actually serious about this, I told him I wanted to wait… and I ended up waiting a week. I’m not a good wait-er.) we slept together.

And then I started re-quizzing him on how many times he’s been laid, because OH MY GOD the sex was amazing.

Now, there’s a reason I call it Bakemono. He told me he was “around average,” and then said a number… 8 inches, I think. But I rarely listen to what men tell me about the penis, and I have an issue with figuring out distances, even as short as inches… If you tell me something is as long as something else I understand, but I can never grasp a good idea of how long a foot is.

I was completely unprepared for this magnificent penis. When I saw it for the first time I had been intending on giving him head, but then I had to stop and just LOOK at it… It’s not porn star big (but that’s just fine- there is a size limit on this ride) but certainly the longest I had personally held (I have seen one longer, but I was frankly afraid of it, and it wasn’t MINE to play with, someone was showing it off at a party) and certainly the thickest… but the girth was mostly around the base. It was beautifully tapered, had the smoothest skin I’d ever felt on a cock in my life, with a slight upward (well, up towards the navel) curvature. I’m not sure about the whole love at first sight thing… but I immediately fell in lust with this penis.

I will admit I was a little timid about it… I wasn’t sure how to handle this thing! CERTAINLY an inch longer than I’d ever dealt with… but I wanted to please him. So, after some joking about him not quite understanding what “average” was, I attempted a blow job.

I’m usually very proud of my head-giving skills. But most of the repeat customers in that area, while not small nor thin cocked, were NEVER like this. Once I got… relatively… used to the girth, I tried deepthroating. I found it incredibly difficult, and even with the damned thing past my gag reflex I was still able to get my hand quite comfortably around the base… Thankfully, although I still like to do it (it’s a pride thing!) he much prefers my attentions around the corona and the frenulum rather than deep throating the entire… well, as much as I can… down.

Once we went back to his bedroom, he was amazingly attentive. He made me orgasm from oral, a feat I thought was damned near impossible, and in almost no time at all. After using his hands to ready me, he slowly inched his way inside. Oh my god he is big. The feeling of being filled… completely… was amazing.

We discovered that his size made some things a little difficult. When we tried doggy style, I got to rambunctious and started bucking back against him, and his control waned, and… yep, that was my cervix. Ouch.

But he knew (before the cervix-pounding) to reach around and stimulate my clit. When I asked him about it later, he shyly said he read about it somewhere. God, I adore this man.

Anyway, before I gush on too much… I completed my first Edenfantasys review. The Candy Luxus Vibrator didn’t live up to expectations, but it’s a neat enough lil vibrator. Go read the review!

I’m a horrible blogger, I haven’t posted in what I think is months. I haven’t posted anything of SUBSTANCE in much longer.

I was in turmoil there for awhile with my relationship/sex life, and thus every time I came here to write, I eventually got depressed and went to go eat potato chips and watch a movie wherein the heroine doesn’t need a man to validate her and curses a lot… someone like me.

I have this theory that God or whatever passes for God will occasionally take you to the lowest point you can tolerate sometimes, that point where you think one more stress factor in your life will cause you to off yourself, and then he pushes you that last step only to turn right around and change everything suddenly, like a whirlwind.

I had decided to stop my extracurricular activities, they were too much for me. I had been hurt, and yet again, it was no one’s fault but mine own. Part of my mind was already singing that “I don’t need no men” bit.

And then…

I was on OKCupid because a jerk had been messaging me… something I really don’t want to get into. Just another straw on my poor camel’s back at the time.

While I was diddling around on there, I happened upon (somehow) a profile. He looked vaguely familiar, moreso, he was rather attractive, and from his profile, completely my type- a GeekBoy with a sense of humor and wit and few starkly obviously emotional hangups.

Not really thinking about it, I added him to my list of favorites.

He messaged me, quite soon after. I thought little of it, replying back, and we started a witty report. I was doing nothing at all it seemed at the time but work, work, work, and trying to find someone in my phone book to talk to who didn’t make me feel like I was a burden.

We messaged eachother every day for a week, many times a day. He would tell me when he would be unable to reply for awhile, or if he was working, as he was on vacation at the time. At that point I started feeling… confused. I mean, for months I’d been dealing with someone who wouldn’t tell me when he’d be available and sometimes I’d drive over there for no reason than to listen to his doorbell it seemed, and here was a man who was thoughtful, attentive, funny, and charming.

We talked about everything. I figured out where I knew him from- he had gone to one of our Rocky Horror Picture Shows at the bar, and had been our Virgin for the night, so he had been on “stage” (although, in this case, it was merely the part of the bar in front of the screen) as Ralph Hapshatt. I run the website for our cast, and in the photos of that night, there is one where I ran to be in the wedding party, and he was standing not two feet away from me.

We also discovered we knew some of the same people, I live in what seems like a small city at times. (Unless I’m driving at 5pm, then there’s just too many people in this city!)

I realized I really enjoyed talking to him, and questioned myself about whether I wanted to meet him. After all, I had just been singing the “men can all fuck off and die” anthem.

I met him. And everything has gone perfectly.

We met in person on December 8th, at a large gathering of my friends/castmates at the zoo. He came out in the freezing cold to hang out at the zoo with me. We went to Denny’s afterward with one of my friends, then when I drove him back to his car, he kissed my hand and asked if we could go out on a date. I said yes.

Our first date was perfect. He took me to a nice Japanese restraunt… he’d never eaten Japanese before, but knew I loved it.  We shared our first kiss at a red light that never seemed to change. We went back to his apartment, and I actually kept myself from stripping him bare and attacking him. (It took a whole week before I slept with him. Be very very impressed.)

We’ve been dating a month, and everything else in my life is falling into place as well. I know better than to think fate or anything silly and girly like that, but it’s nice. I quit the PSO job, because it got too boring and tedious, got done with some of my frustrating web design work, got notification that they’ve approved my medical reasons for disability, now they just need the financial stuff to go through. My daughter’s doing better in school. I got to do my first review for Eden Fantasys, which I will post as soon as they get it up, and they’re sending my second toy for review now.

So now that everything isn’t in the crapper, I’m going to try to write more often… because I miss it. And I have LOTS more to write about now, that I’m getting laid on a regular basis.

Joe Francis, the millionaire who produced all those LOVELY girls gone wild videos, claims he had no blankie, was threatened with being strapped nude to a chair, and was treated generally wrongly.

He’s probably full of shit, but hey- if he was treated in such a humiliating fashion, right on for the OK guards who did it. He’s pending trial for tax evasion (why is it always people with MONEY going to jail for that? hrmmm.)  and before he was transferred, he claims the Oklahoma jail he was in treated him wrong.

I’m into porn. Love porn. But that is using young girls with no self esteem for men’s cheap thrills, I’m sorry. Read the full story here.
Btw, I’m back now that my PC is fixed and  thanksgiving is over.

Just to let you all get in on what’s happening with CG, and why I’m so fookin busy…

I’m moving my (still unfinished… bad kana!) portfolio from silent-asylum.net to a shared business site, partially because I’m wasting my domain on my portfolio and partially because my friends can then help me with the $$$ side of the web design business more easily that way without it looking weird.

CG will then be moved to a part of the new silent-asylum.net, which will also be promoting my new business ventures. This makes me a tad uncomfortable advertising myself, but hey… I suppose it’s what you have to do. I was even uncomfortable writing the stuff out for my web design portfolio, so it’s not as if it’s just writing about myself in a pervy way of advertising is uncomfortable, it’s advertising any skill of mine… deathly modesty.

Anyway, so that’s what’s up. I’m also spending all my free alone time waiting for phone calls while I work on webstuffs.

Most of the Doms who call my submissive listing are not all that entertaining. They all seem to want to be Doms but are failing at it horribly- and then there was DomGuy.

It was just a fifteen minute call, but he reminded me what I like about being submissive… listening to him talk about one of my favorite fantasies without me telling him what it was was actually kind of hot.

The following is not work safe. Read the rest of this entry »

And selling underwear

She has been uber-sexy in my mind since she was in Secretary. By the way, Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus, which was directed by the same man as Secretary, is just as hot. And has Nicole Kidman in it.

Just thought I’d share.

I’m starting work as a phone sex operator. Isn’t that exciting? I’m sure that my therapist will be so proud.

I could go on and on about how I need the money and whatnot… but I won’t. Instead… I shall just post the links and linkwhore myself everywhere. yay.